Sunday, March 20, 2011

March 21, 2001 & March 21, 2007 - love at first sight




Tomorrow is March 21...

On this day in 2001 my brother Alex was born. Until that day, I had lived as an only child. It's still hard to imagine that here I was a month away from turning 24 and here was my brother. For those of you who don't know, my mom had me when she was only 16 so for her to have my brother when she was 40 really isn't all that uncommon. I always wanted to have siblings. I have always loved kids, spent most of my teen years babysitting and would have given anything to have a brother or sister. It was quite an unexpected shock when my mom find out she was pregnant. She actually thought she was going through "the change" early. Well, her life did change and so did mine. I was fortunate enough to be in the delivery room when my brother was born. The moment I saw him for the first time, a feeling of warmth came over me. I remember it so vividly because in that instant, I said to myself "this is what love at first sight feels like." Up until that moment, honest to God, I didn't believe in love at first sight.

Having a brother 23 years younger than me has been quite an adventure. I sometimes worry about him as if he was my own son. I worry about the kind of person he will become, if he will find his own path in life and, above all, be blessed with all the happiness in the world. Though I would never wish anything bad to happen to my mom or his dad, it is there in the back of my mind that if something should ever happen to them - I would become responsible for him. Before Sean and I got married, this is actually something we discussed. Make sure that he knew should anything ever happened, we could be raising my brother. It is sometimes interesting to see the world through the eyes of soon to be 9 year old. He's starting to develop his own way for doing things and starting to find really joy and passion in lots of different things. At the same time, he is a boy through and through. Alex is very smart, loves music, video games and baseball. He also had a girlfriend in the 2nd grade!


On this day in 2007, Madison Elizabeth Prescott was born and my life would never be the same! I actually find out I was pregnant two weeks after I had started my nw job at NW and Sean & I had agreed to have a long distance marriage for 8 months as he finished up undergrad. It was completely unplanned and the timing was really bad. Two weeks after I confirmed the pregnancy, I almost lost her. I had a severe tear in the placenta and experienced a temendous amount of blood lose. Somehow, she and I made it through. The rest of my pregnacy was filled with quite a bit of stress (new job, long distance marriage, & my mom's house caught on fire in Jan 07) and I always worried about it and what it was doing to her. Thankfully, we made it through all nine months. The week before Madison was born, I went in for my last check-up and my doctor scheduled me for induction on March 21. I couldn't believe it - the same day as my brother's birthday!

My induction was filled with several complications resulting in an emergency c-section and needing to be put completely out during the delivery. It all happened so quickly that I remember very few details. I do remember slowly coming to in recovery and the nurses telling me how beautiful and healthy she was. I cried because I was so happy and relieved that she was okay. If you didn't know, it is very dangerous to be out during delivery.

Seeing her for the first time was magical! She was so beautiful. Love at first sight for the second time in my life - how blessed was I! And seeing Sean hold her and love her, made me love him just a little bit more. At the time of her birth, he & I were going through a LOT of life changes and had a LOT of challenges and obstacles we were trying to cross. Somehow with her, though, our life seemed better and provided us with a purpose.
Sean & I had named her Madison because that was the name of the resturant where we first met. Elizabeth is both our mother's middle names. It was all perfect.

As everyone whose reading this knows though, it didn't end perfectly. Earlier this weekend, I had my melt down. I have shed several tears over the course of the last three days (as I have done for the last 3 years during this time of the year). It's really the anticipation that's the worse. March 21 is fine - it's just the waiting and wondering before it that's the most painful. It's also difficult because it's hard for me to focus to my brother's birthday without being sad, hurt and/or pissed off that I'm not celebrating Madison's birthday too. I'm continuing to work on that one. I know has my brother gets older he will come to understand my struggle. He loved Madison so much (and still does). My mom told me a story a few months ago about him introducing Madison to a friend that was staying over for the first time. He was showing his friend around their house and came to some photos of Madison. Alex said "this is my niece Madison. She lives in Heaven now but I can't wait to see her again."
The biggest difficulty comes over the next 79 days - waiting until June 8. I will never be able to think about her birthday and not think about 79 days later. The two will always be connected.
This year, I have a plan though. The next 79 days on my blog will be dedicated to finding and celebrating something each day that I am thankful and/or grateful for. For better or worse, March 21 has given me so much - a brother whom I adore; a daughter who helped show me the way to gratitude; and the ability to believe in love at first sight...

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