79 Days of Gratitude and Thanks - Day 1, Madison Elizabeth Prescott

As I start my 79 day journey of graditude and thanks, I'd be remissed not to start with Madison Elizabeth Prescott as this process is really in rememberance of her.

I am blessed to be a mom and am blessed to have been a mom here on Earth to Madison for 79 days. More than anything, I am amazed at what I have learned in her death. Graditude, appreciation and thanks for the people, adventures and success I have in my life. Losing a child is the worse tradegy any parent can face and it has taken me a long to get to this point. Also know that I am not a saint and sometimes, in the face of anger, disappointment and frustration, I forget to be grateful.

I certainly wish I could go back in time and freeze all the moments I had with Madison. But, I can't. I can, however, think with love and fondness for the moments and adventures we did have together. My favorite moments were of her sleeping on my chest, watching her listen to the campus radio station (alternative rock and top 40 were her favorite) and when she wore her sunglasses!

I am grateful to have spent Mother's Day with her and having her at Sean's college graduation.

After Madison passed away a spent a lot of hours being pissed of at the world and being frustrated with the problems that people were complaining about. One night I was having dinner with a work colleague and said something like "I'm so tired of my students complaining about xyz thing. They should just get over it and be thankful that this is the least of their problems. I know what real problems are!" And my work colleague turned to me and said "Aren't you thankful that this is their only problem? That they haven't faced such tragedy and that their problems are so small." Reality hit me at that moment! I was thankful that they hadn't experience such pain in their life. When you suddenly stop living in a land of pity and anger, you're life changes unimaginably.

Madison's life and death also reminded me that life was way to short and certainly not promised to anyone. It's easy to say those things but to live a life philosophy like that is not always easy. It's easy to get caught up in work, stress and the routine of life but when you suddenly slow down, listen to what really makes you happy and move in a direction to enjoy life (not just survive it) - wow!!

So here it is the start of my gratitude journey. I hope over the next 79 days to not only remind myself of the big thanks in my life but to each day find a simple joy (or moment) that makes me smile and be appreciative. Tonight I painted Samantha's toe nails and afterwards she said "Thank you, mommy! I love you. Give me kiss." She then grabbed my face by the cheeks and kissed me. It's a new snapshot in my memory rolladeck. One that I will carry with me always.