Thursday, February 10, 2011

These boots were made for walking...

I use to wear high heels all the time. Pointy toed, strappy, skinny heeled high heels. I loved wearing high heels. I use to joke that I didn't care if they made my feet bleed or give me blisters as long as they looked cute. High heels made me feel confident, sexy and sassy. And I loved the sound they made on tile floors - click, clank, click, clank.

When I become pregnant with Madison, I stopped wearing high heels. (1) Because my feet hurt and my ankles were swollen and (2) Because my second and third trimesters were doing the winter. I feared falling in snow or ice and hurting myself of my unborn child. So, my high heels got moved to the back of the closet and two pairs of sensible flats replaced them. One brown pair and one black pair. Good bye sexy and sassy - hello boring and predictable! My favorite high heels were placed in a plastic bin with the notation that once Madison was born, they would be back in rotation.

When I heading back to work from maternity leave, it was late Spring and time for cute sandals (another addiction) and cute pedicured toes. So, my high heels stayed in the back if the closet just a little longer.

Then Madison died...

My high heels continued to stay in the back of the closet. We moved houses. My plastic bin moved with me to the back of my closet at our new house. We had a yard sale. I pulled out the bin and pulled 4-5 pair to sell and put the rest back in the bin and push them to the back of the closet. Occasionally, I'd pull the bin out and for fun try on some of my favorite ones. I'd walk around the house a bit but always back to the back of the closet they would go. And, with flats becoming more popular, it was just easier to buy them when I needed a new pair of work shoes.

But it wasn't just the shoes. I use to love wearing jewelry. Loved wearing make-up, doing my hair, getting pampered, carrying super cute purses, getting dressed up. It always made me feel pretty and made me feel good about myself. I packed all of my accessories away, got rid of purses and rarely wore make-up. Looking back, it's sad that I didn't care enough about myself to do things to make myself feel good. I really didn't care!

It's also amazing how not caring about yourself effects so many other parts of your life. It really affected my relationship with my husband. I loved him and cared deeply for him and Samantha but it was difficult for me to accept it back. Why would he care about me when I didn't care about myself? Why would he think I'm attractive when I didn't feel that way and, frankly, had no desire to be attractive. Looking back, I'm thankful that he didn't allow me to push him away.

I'm also thankful for my new resolve in life and that I'm on this personal journey. I take the extra time to make myself feel better and look better. I've pulled my old jewerly out and got a few new pieces for Christmas. I've bought some new clothes and actually care how I put them together. And, the greatest part - it's for me! It's not to impress anyone or make myself attractive to others (the ultimate goal in my 20's). It's because it makes me happy.

So, my heels are still in the back of the closet. (1) It's winter, we have tons of ice and snow. (2) After over four years of not wearing heels, you can't jump feet first into three inch heels without some practice and building your ankles back up.

I did, however, invest in two pairs of boots for the winter that have become my new staples. The best part of the boots - the one inches heels that make them go click, clack, click, clack when I walk on tile. I love that sound! Every morning as I walk into work, I study that sound on the sidewalk. It makes me feel confident, makes me feel happy and reminds me of my sassy heels waiting in my closet for the snow to melt and the ground to thaw. I can't wait!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Financial freedom...

Notorious B.I.G. certainly said it best when he said "mo' money, mo' problems." The Prescott's are currently working on our financial freedom and frankly - it sucks! Tonight, I was tired and totally didn't want to cook. I called my other half and suggested Burger King (please spare the fast food lecture right now. Their fish sandwich is TASTY!). I was quickly denied and reminded of our limited funds and the thaw steaks waiting at home. Now, we could have eaten out but it would have meant less grocery money for this weekend. *Sigh*

Ten year's ago, I started my first grown up job and was barely making $21,000 a year. But goodness those were easier times. The first year Sean & I lived together (2003) and we had a combined income - yep, I'm making more than that by myself these days. Holy crap, where does it all go!?!? Back then, I drove a old clunker, lived in a rental house and didn't add up my grocery list as I walked through the store.

I sometimes I think back to those days with longing. I'm sure at the time I dwelled on how broke we were but hind sights 20/20 and the grass sure always looks greener on the other side. We certainly don't live out of our means (we have a modest home, a '07 Kia and a PAID FOR '96 Taurus) but it all seems to go so fast. Looking over our monthly budget, I guess it's not really fair to say it goes so quickly, as opposed to we now can afford some luxuries like life insurance, retirement, savings and dental coverage. But, aaaahhhh....the days when I didn't care about those things.

The biggest obstacle in our financial freedom plan right now is our $1000 emergency fund. (Thank you, Dave Ramsey!) As many of you may know, Sean lost his job in the summer of 2009 - six months after we bought our home. Thank goodness for our savings because it helped us make it through the 16 months that followed as he got his MBA. But working to replenish that savings account is hard, hard work! And really, who wants to put money in their savings account instead of going to get their hair done - certainly not this girl! Sista needs her roots done!! And really wishes she could get a pedicure. (Again, please spare me any lectures about "at home" beauty maintenance. I like being pampered and am perfectly okay with saying that out loud!)

I certainly know what we are doing is for the best (in the long run) but for now I'm really wishing I got that Fish Sandwich earlier tonight! I'm blaming Dave for my unhappiness...