79 Days of Gratitude & Thanks: Day 10 - My relationship with God

So, I guess most people would have started this 79 day gratitude & thanks journey by giving a shout out to God. At least that's what they do on all those awards shows. "First, I need to thank Jesus Christ for helping me to sell all these movie tickets..." It's certainly not my place to judge others but I do think it's a little suspect that so many people use the name of God & Jesus to build creditability for themselves. And, please I do not want to get in a religious disagreement with anyone who may be reading this. Remember, these are simply my thoughts at this moment in time. One of our greatest gifts to ourselves is the ability to continue to grow, change our minds and walk down a different path later on in life. I am reading a book right now and there is a line in it about the degree of religion and faith these women have in their life. "...the others have somehow, over the years, brokered their own private agreement with God." That's me EXACTLY! I spent the early part of my life attending Baptist church and then, later, a Catholic church. Once I went to college, my faith and religious practice took a back burner in my life. I've never really returned to organized religion since. BUT... I know, believe and feel God's presence everyday. He has provided me many, many blessings; has held my hand down many rocky paths; and has continued to love me even in moments when I have yelled his name in vain and cursed him lot loud (the worse lost in your life can do that to you). One of my many gifts from God is my relationship with two of my closest friends, Maasen & Alicia. They both have a very strong faith and have prayed many a prayers for me. I know God is there for me because I feel their prayers. God and I spend time communicating in the ways that work for us. He understands me and understands that at this moment in my life, I'm not ready for organized religion. He provides me guidance and helps me live a life that is honoring to him. Luckily, he is also a forgiving God because sometimes mistakes happen and my actions don't portray my love for him. SO...maybe it should have been my first post, but we've talk about, God understands and still loves me!

79 Days of Gratitude & Thanks - Day 9: Lately

I heard this song for the first time yesterday and it really hit more for me. As I make this 79 day journey for gratitude and thanks, I can't help but think that how easy I seem to be making it. Yes, it is easy to be appreciative (and I am) but as I walk this path to become the best possible me, I am still faced with obstacles. There are days that I struggle and days that it's hard for me to put my appreciation front and center. I'm a work in progress. As I continue down this path, not only I am trying to be kinder to myself, I'm working on patience (with myself and others), forgiving those who need forgiveness and working to find happiness everyday (if only in one small thing a day). As I watched the video for this first time day, the reality of my life was placed in front of me. I'm not living in poverty or a war zone. My family is healthy. We live in a nice neighborhood, I don't worry about were my next meal will come from or if I have water & electricity. And, my family loves one another. This is my happiness for today! This song has some pretty powerful lyrics. I wish I was a little more solid A little more grounded Maybe just a little more I wish I was a little less angry A little less selfish Maybe just a little less Lately I feel like crashin' I feel like the whole world is comin' to an end Lately I feel like nothin' really matters I, I wanna feel good again I wish I was a little more patient A little more forgivin' Maybe just a little more I wish I was a little less crazy A little less out there Maybe just a little less Lately I feel like I am crashin' I feel like the whole world is comin' to an end Lately I feel like nothin' really matters I, I wanna feel good again I wanna feel good again Lately I feel like crashin' I feel like I hate rappin' I feel like the world's gonna end And again situations keep goin' tragic I feel like defeats gonna happen In jail, no bail, we're packed in Every day just keeps on lastin' I just wanna keep gettin' past it I wanna waste away I wanna be left alone in hell No one gave a damn When I was sittin' in my cell So every now and then I feel a little bit close to the edge And I feel I'm about to break And I can't take the fact that lately I pay for my actions greatly Lately I feel like crashin' I feel like the whole world is comin' to an end Lately I feel like nothin' really matters I wanna feel good again I wanna feel good again I wish I was a little more solid A little more grounded Maybe just a little more

79 Days of Gratitude & Thanks - Day 8: Thankful for tomorrow

Today has been a tough day emotionally. I'm thankful that I am still here and get at attempt achieving happiness tomorrow. Sometimes that all we can ask for.

79 Days of Gratitude & Thanks: Day 7 - Miss Tara Ashley

Today one of my dearest friends is celebrating her birthday. I have known Tara since high school though I can't remember exactly how me met or what lead us to become friends - I think it was our friend Jen.

I'm amazed at how our friendship has endured. During high school, we went through moments were our paths traveled down different directions. And while I went away for college, Tara stayed in the StL and, again, there are moments were we drifted.

It is so amazing that we always seem to come back to each other. We can not speak for months and within one phone call it's like no time has ever passed. Our friendship has endured miles of separation, man have come and gone & we have experienced most of life's highs and lows together!

I adore Tara! She is amazing. She is a teacher and works everyday to inspire and educate our youth. And as we all know - teaching is the most thankless job around. Tara is also a super outstanding mother. For most of her son's life, she has raised him single-handily. What she has accomplished for herself and her son is a testament to your desire to achieve.

I am excited, this summer, to share in the start of a new journey with Tara. She is getting married! And she deserves to find all the happiness and love the world has to offer. Her heart is so big (and always has been) and to see her finally get what she so deserves is a prayer being answered.

79 Days of Gratitude & Thanks - Day 6: Laura Elizabeth Parker & Laura Elizabeth Prescott

As I was driving home today, I heard this song. This is an acoustic version by Shinedown. As I was listening to it my mind went to Sean and his grandmother & mom. Laura Elizabeth Parker (Ms. Laura) and Laura Elizabeth Prescott (Beth). There is not enough words in the dictionary for me to express my gratitude to them for Sean. Ms. Laura & Beth raised him & loved him unconditionally! Even when he didn't love his self and made decisions that caused more problems than solutions - they never gave up on him!


Ms. Laura is an outstandingly awesome woman. After her husband passed away, she pulled herself up and raised four kids on her own. She owned restaurants and had a tremendous work ethic. She also was instrumental in raising Sean. She was tough on him. He was working in the family restaurant as soon as he was tall enough to see over the counter. She is the only person I know that can command an instant respect from him and the only one I know that can put him in his place. I loved her from the first moment we met! She and I spent hours looking through old family photos and I just soaked it up. She's sassy, has lived a long fulfilled life and doesn't take crap from anyone!


Beth raised Sean as a single parent. She was extremely smart and placed a tremendous value on education. She was the first one in her family to get an advanced college degree. Sean was Beth's pride! She certainly had a mother's unchangeable love because she supported him during the most challenging of times in his life. Unfortunately, Beth passed away a year after Sean & I started dating so my experience with her is much less limited. I do know that she is looking down on us and sending us blessings everyday.


Ms. Laura and Beth instilled in Sean a tremendous work ethic, a desire to continuously learn and a tremendous sense of independence. All traits that rate at the top of my wish list in a partner.


Sean is the most important person in my life and to imagine it without him makes me cry (literally, I'm crying right now). It has take Sean a lot to get to this point in his life. The fact that Ms. Laura and Beth never gave up on him (and on more than one occasion, kicked his sorry ass into shape and leaving behind his demons) has allowed my life to be what it is today. Sean introduced me to love - taught me to love myself and loves me unconditionally.


Thank you Ms. Laura and Beth! I was always be eternally grateful...

79 Days of Gratitude & Thanks - Day 5: The Monkey House

Today I had a great day at the Monkey House with Samantha! The Monkey House is essentially this warehouse with a zillion bouncy houses. There were really more like 10 inflatables but to a two year old it was just like a zillion!

The Monkey House is in Fort Smith where my mom lives and it's the first time Samantha has been there. To say she loved it is a total understatement. The number of times she laughed and squelled was priceless. She had a smile on her face for two straight hours. At first she was unsure of the whole thing but a few trips down the inflatable side and she was hooked!

What a great memory! Definitely a keeper for my memory roll-a-deck!

79 Days of Gratitude & Thanks - Day 4: My mom

On March 24, my mom celebrated her 50th birthday (also day 4 of my gratitude and thanks journey). She use to sing this song to me when I was little.

As a teenage, single parent, I know she did the best she could for me always! I am grateful everyday for every sacrifice she made, every tear she wiped away and for loving me unconditionally. Even as I grow older, I continue to appreciate her friendship and support. I know that my success in this world is a testiment to the direction and guidance she has always provided me.

She and I are still growing up (and sometimes we do clash) but at the end of the day - no matter what I know she loves me!